Giving Due Attention

I thoroughly regretted not giving my son due attention this evening... I was working on my new homepage when he returned home and excitedly came to hug me.

He noticed that I was engrossed in my work and asked me what it was about - but what can I say to a 4-year-old about webpage design and the need to stay focused? So I just said something simple to humor him and continued with my work.

He didn't give up and tried to get my attention with his toys and I gave him some indifferent responses... He finally got the hint and went to his bedroom.

When I was done, I immediately went to look for him but he was already fast asleep... As I reflected and tried putting myself in his shoes, I realised how unloving and insensitive I had been - he must have felt real sad or even hurt that his Daddy is more interested in the computer.

My new-year resolution: to always give my family due attention and work on the computer only when they're not around.

BabyTV on DVD - Farm Animals

"Five little ducks, went out one day, over the hills and far away..."

Ooops, sorry, can't help but sing the catchy tune after watching "Farm Animals", a children's DVD from BabyTV's "My First Years Library" series !

Initially, I was worried that my four-year-old son Xavier will find the DVD boring because it's meant for kids aged from 6 months to 4 years. Moreover, with more action-packed cartoons like Avatar, Teen Titans and Duel Masters, I was not expecting a terribly enthusiastic response from him... I was wrong.

Before I could even watch it with him, Xavier spotted the DVD and watched it several times himself! He loves it! And I love it too after watching with him a couple of times!

Somehow, the unique combination of colourful animation, live footage of farm animals in action, melodic nursery rhymes, cute puppets and simple Q&As makes the episode engaging!

I would highly recommend the series and I believe the DVD sets can now be bought locally at children's stores like Mothercare! I'm sure your child will have a fun and great learning experience:)

Never leave your partner behind

Firefighters never leave their partners behind, no matter how dangerous the situation may be; it's a code of honour and a commitment that is the bedrock of firefighting.

I believe it should be the same with marriage... many couples don't realise that like firefighting, a divorce is an abandonment of one's partner that leads to dire consequences which affect both themselves and their families.

But what if a marriage is on "raging fire" and the only way out seems to be divorce?

A firefighter has a vast array of tools at his disposal and he will never give up unless he exhausts all possible means. Similarly, there exists many "tools" that would save a marriage, and I would like to recommend two here:

1. Counselling: I am very sure that in every state, there would be free marital counselling services, either run by the government or religious organisations - in Singapore, one can approach the Family Life Society.

2. Movie: And if you are not ready for counselling, watch the movie Fireproof - though it's a Christian production, it's not preachy and I've shared it with non-Christian friends who found it very touching and useful for addressing their own marital problems. Watch the trailer here:

Cartoon Series for the Family

If you had your way, what kind of show would you allow your kids to watch on TV for long-term? Here's my guess:
1. It must interesting and engaging- how else to keep a kid still??
2. It must teach important life lessons - no point wasting time on just pure entertainment right??
3. It must easy to understand - which would appreciate quantum mechanics??
4. It must not be too lengthy - you wouldn't want your kids to be couch potatoes right??
5. It must appeal to adults too - doesn't look good if you snore when watching with your child right??

If the above sounds like your answer, then Auto-B-Good is the animated video series for you! Though it has Christian roots, it is not preachy at all but focuses on conveying universal values like integrity, discipline, initiative, consideration and morality!

My son and I enjoyed the series very much and almost bought the entire series - and we still can't get enough of it;-)

Check out an Auto-B-Good trailer here now:

The Auto-B-Good DVD series is available at most Christian stores.

Childhood Sleep Disorders

We sleep about a third of our lives but surprisingly, we know so little about the importance of sleep... especially for young kids.

Sleep disorders in children are largely undiagnosed due to a lack of awareness, even among doctors. In addition, most disorders would naturally outgrow with time and thus, generally dismissed as non-critical. A comprehensive list of sleep disorders can be found here.

One common and serious disorder is "Obstructive Sleep Apnea Syndrome" - its symptoms in children include learning problems, difficulty in concentrating and being underweight/overweight - so if doctors seem clueless about addressing problems listed as sleep apnea symptoms, do consider consulting a sleep specialist - one excellent specialist in Singapore is Dr Lim Li Ling, Medical Director of the Singapore Neurology & Sleep Centre.

Love means spending time...

I was touched to tears when I viewed a short movie clip about a Dad realizing how much he had touched the life of his six-year-old - not by anything spectacular - but simply by spending time.

I felt very sad and guilty about all the precious time that I'd somehow missed with my wife, my son, and my family members because of some other "more important" stuff which I'd mostly forgotten...

View that inspirational 4-minute movie here now and be transformed!

Mr Condom & Ms Pill

Mr Condom: I've called for an urgent meeting because our popularity might be threatened.

Ms Pill: Nah, how can it be? We have good track records and besides, we have the support of many because we are a good regular source of income and thus good for businesses and the economy!

Mr Condom: Hello, haven't you heard of Natural Family Planning (NFP)?? It's effective, approved by religious authorities, improves communication between couples, has no side effects (you have some serious ones!) and most importantly, it's FREE!!!

Ms Pill: Hey, relax man! NFP methods like the Rhythm Method are known to have high failure rates.

Mr Condom: I know that too but recently, the Billings Ovulation Method (BOM) was claimed to achieve a 99% success rate in a United Nations conference!

Ms Pill: That's terrible! But all is not lost my dear friend... I believe it's not easy to learn such natural methods and it takes a lot of self-discipline, respect and love in order for you men to abstain from sex!

Mr Condom: I don't know really... training centres for BOM are plentiful especially in Singapore and knowing you women, I fear you would ask your man to prove his love by using NFP... tough times are coming ahead of us!

The key to changing a person

Very often, we hope to change people (for the better) by nagging/lecturing them, openly showing our disapproval/frustration or even withdrawing our love.

But I am sure you would know by now that it is extremely difficult to do so with the above methods, especially with the younger generation, and more so for our close family members. Somehow, we all resist attempts to change us, even well-intentioned ones...

As far as I know, there is only one way to help a person change for the better: Acceptance.

Acceptance doesn't mean we give up changing a person; it means actively helping and encouraging him to change and showing him that no matter what happens, he would still be loved unconditionally. And acceptance is meant for ourselves as well: we need to accept ourselves before we could grow and become better people.

Oh, there's one caveat though: enduring patience is needed - it took me quite a long while to "change" myself...

Avoiding "I told you so's"

We all savour the moments when we are in a position to say "I told you so" - it feeds our ego and imbues us with a sense of superiority.

Conversely, we all dread the moments when we are in a position to hear "I told you so" - it deflates our ego!

So let us always avoid saying "I told you so", knowing how terrible it is to be the receiving party - instead, just point out the mistake and say nothing more - you would be appreciated for your graciousness.

It is very important to remember this especially when we have young kids/teenagers because we adults would often find ourselves in the superior position...

Catching People doing the Right Things

It's sad but unfortunately true that we tend to catch people doing the wrong things; this is especially true within the family.

How often do we find ourselves noticing and complaining that things are wrongly kept, dishes are left undone, clothes are not properly washed and appliances not switched off when not in use?

No doubt it is important to right the above wrongs but it is far more important to right the rights more often, i.e. catching people doing the right things and complimenting them. This is particularly true with kids because they need positive affirmations to establish a strong foundation for self-esteem and self-confidence.

But of course, it is not easy to do so especially if we have been catching people doing the wrong things for a while - I find it difficult too but I know that with perseverance and practice, it will become second nature!

So far, I've achieved some success already with my little boy Xavier and hopefully, I would be able to do the same for my dearest wife Lynn, especially when "words of affirmation" is one of her main love languages!

Words of Greatness: "I am sorry."

Many people, including myself, find it hard to say sorry. Somehow, the human ego avoids apologies like plague and tries heroically to justify itself even in the most impossible of situations; it strangely views admission of faults/mistakes as a sign of failure and weakness...

The truth cannot be further! The ability to apologise is in fact a sign of triumph and greatness because it shows that one has overcome one's greatest enemy: one's pride.

We would certainly make mistakes in life and hurt our family members in one way or another... Let's never let pride get in the way of the healing power of three simple yet great words: "I am sorry."

A Fun Family Day Out

It has been a while since I last organised an outing for my big extended family - last Saturday 24 May 2008, 7 of us (3 generations) had FREE rides on the DUCKtour - courtesy of Nuffnang, in conjunction with the National Family Celebrations 2008.

All of us had great fun even though the tour brought us to familiar places (it's more meant for tourists) - somehow even mundane stuff can become magical in a warm atmosphere of love; though we didn't talk a lot nor share deep emotional thoughts, we could feel the sense of closeness...

We certainly hope that the National Family Council would continue to organise and promote such family outings, maybe not through free tickets (budget will be busted in no time!) but through special discounts for families, eg. discount increases with each additional family member:-)

Of course, even without any incentives, I would continue to strive to strengthen family ties through similar outings / get-togethers - simply because family matters...

The Gift of Parenthood

After marriage, many of my friends said they hesitated to start a family because of financial reasons as well as the desire to enjoy couplehood for a couple of years first. Some even said they would never have children because children are so problematic!

I feel sad that they view parenthood as something burdensome to be avoided - this misconception must be corrected, so I hope parents would share their views here...

Well, after becoming a father more than 31 months ago, I can now more convincingly testify to what I have always believed in:

Parenthood is a priceless gift with an affordable price tag!

Indeed, babies and children demand much of our time and can be really problematic at times; but the joy and love they bring to the family is worth every effort!

As for finance, it is certainly manageable as long as one spends within one's means wisely and doesn't go for branded goods and unnecessary luxuries!

So if you are still thinking of postponing parenthood, do reconsider and take the leap of faith to enjoy the wondrous gift of Parenthood!

Educating your baby

Most parents grossly underestimate the tremendous learning abilities of their babies and wrongly assume that education should begin later when their babies are older and "more intelligent".

But in fact, the contrary is true: babies and children below six are super learners!

I was one of these parents too... until I chanced upon Glenn Doman's revolutionary book "How To Teach Your Baby To Read".

After more than 40 years of research, Glenn Doman developed proven, systematic and fun methods to teach babies and young kids how to read, do math and even become physically superb!

My wife and I began teaching our son Xavier (when he was 10 months old) how to read using Glenn's techniques and even though we can't see any visible results at the moment, we enjoyed preparing and delivering the reading sessions!

It was real tough work but we are happy because we know we are giving our baby the best possible gift at this moment: ability to read - which is the key to the treasury of all recorded human wisdom!

Movie Trilogy for the Family

I highly recommend the Spider-Man Trilogy for the family, especially for our young ones - there are many important lessons that can be learnt besides the awesome action & touching romance:

Spider-Man 1: Power & Responsibility

Peter Parker paid a high price to learn that with great power comes great responsibility - he indirectly caused his dear Uncle's death by allowing a robber to escape despite having the power to easily stop him. We too have the power to make this world a little better than it was before...

Spider-Man 2: Priority & Adversity

Peter Parker realized the tremendous difficulty in juggling his life between school, career, love and superhero responsibilities - the key is learning how to balance and prioritize. And that adversity is part and parcel of life - it can make a person better or bitter.

Read my retroview on Spider-Man 2 here.

Spider-Man 3: Pride & Forgiveness

Pride goes before a fall - this is aptly illustrated here where Peter Parker allowed success to puff him up so much that he neglected his loved ones and thought about himself only. The theme of forgiveness also permeates throughout the film and culminates in a powerful emotional scene at the end...

Disciplining Kids

For many years, I was placed in charge of disciplining my nieces and nephews because their Dad was overseas most of the time. It was difficult to mete out punishment because somehow, I always had this fear at the back of my mind: the kids would dislike or even hate me for punishing them.

However, I know that without punishments, it is impossible to inculcate discipline in kids below 12 years old and so, I persisted. And I also made it a point to always explain to them what they've done wrong and to assure them of my love by having fun with them or simply buying some little things for them after the punishment.

Years later, I realised my initial fear was completely unfounded: not only did they not hate me, but a strong bond of love and respect was formed between us. Somehow, they knew that what I did was ultimately for their own good...

Indeed, it is never easy to punish those we so dearly love but we must be firm to help our kids become well-disciplined and outstanding adults.

Filtering Online Materials

The Internet is filled with much undesirable content that threatens the family.

Hence, it is critical to protect ourselves and our children from unwittingly or deliberately accessing webpages that corrode morality and demean our very human nature.

I strongly recommend installing internet family filters in every computer in the family - you can find a free and effective filter here. I have been using it for a while and it really works well.

My Favourite Family Routine

Ever since my father's massive stroke in 2006, my family has grown closer. We now take every opportunity to gather at my dad's home in Ghim Moh Road, e.g. the recent Mother's Day, Christmas 2007, etc.

Our favourite routine during such gatherings is to have potluck - we all enjoy being surprised by new exotic food as well as savouring our all-time favourites like Guo Tie. Indeed, nothing beats having a nice meal in a warm and relaxed atmosphere of kinship!

We dearly miss playing Big Two with my dad and his unique witty sense of humour - he lost his speech and could only move the right half of his body...

The unexpectedness of my dad's stroke taught us never to take one another for granted and to treasure every single moment with our loved ones.

So, if you hope to develop close family ties, why not start some family routines to bring everyone together on a regular basis?

Paying Compliments Pays

"I can live for two months on one good compliment." Mark Twain (1835-1910) Famous Writer, author of "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer"

I was brought up in an Asian culture where family members do not usually compliment one another openly - for fear of puffing up one's pride and inducing complacency. No doubt this fear is rightly justified to a certain extent but it somehow caused us to move to the other end of the spectrum: minimal praise and maximal criticism.

We all yearned to be recognised and praised - so let's always seek to find something good about our family members to compliment on.

Remember, the benefits of giving compliments far outweigh the risks of giving too many compliments; your compliment might be the key factor in motivating someone when the going gets tough!

Raising Kids - the lighter side:)

Raising kids is certainly no child's play - it can be exhausting, frustrating and even agonising at times.

But it can be fun, enjoyable, and fulfilling too if one embraces it with a positive attitude and sees things from a retrospective viewpoint! Check out Let the Games Begin now for a comic perspective of raising kids!

Whether you're an experienced or rookie parent or just contemplating parenthood, I am sure you'll gain valuable insights into raising kids in the midst of good humour! I simply love it and can't wait for the next comic strip!

The Art of Listening

Listening is such seemingly simple and basic human ability that many are unaware of its intricacies and immense power to lift hearts and deepen relationships. As a result, many do not listen well and even neglect listening in the first place!

When you listen to someone, you are actually telling him/her subconsciously that you care/love enough to want to spend time getting into his/her world while leaving your own behind. So always spend some time to listen to your family members and to listen well! It is a powerful and noble act of love!

Here're some tips on how to listen well:

1. Never offer unsolicited advice/judgement no matter how tempting it is; you would only cause frustration and jeopardise future sharings - I can testify to this because I tend to give advice to my wife when I listen to her and she's has to repeatedly remind me that she only wants a listening ear!

2. Maintain eye contact - this shows you're genuinely paying attention.

3. Clarify when in doubt - ask questions or paraphrase whenever you're not sure if you've understood the other party correctly; this not only reinforces your sincerity but also avoids potential misunderstandings.

How to WIN an Argument

Whenever my wife and I have an argument (defined here as a heated exchange of views), we would always end up being upset with each other - regardless of who won the argument...

In fact, there are no winners in any argument - if you win, you actually lose because you have lost the goodwill of the other party; nobody likes to lose an argument regardless of who's right or wrong!

Hence, there is only one way to win an argument: don't have one in the first place!

So when emotions are heated up, resolve never to get into any debate - do so only after both parties have cooled down.

Recognising Childhood Disorders

It's real sad that some kids are mistakenly labelled as lazy, anti-social or even stupid when they are actually suffering from developmental disorders.

And if such disorders are not diagnosed and treated early, it would not only devastate the child's self-confidence but would also affect the child's education and social life.

Here're four common childhood disorders:
1. Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD): The child is easily distracted and cannot sit still for long.

2. Autism: The child doesn't know how to socialise and has obsessions with certain objects/behaviour.

3. Dyslexia: The child finds great difficulty in reading and writing.

4. Dyspraxia: The child cannot control/coordinate body movements properly.

The good news is that if discovered early, these disorders, though cannot be cured, can be effectively controlled. The basic rule of thumb: when in doubt, seek help from child psychologists.

Emotional Bank Account

We all know it's not easy to maintain and nurture good relationships with people because miscommunications and misunderstandings are difficult to avoid; the difficulty bar is raised with family members because of our tendency to take them for granted.

One concept which can help us tremendously in building good relationships with our family members is the concept of the Emotional Bank Account (EBA), which was introduced in Steven Covey's international bestseller The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.

Here're the basic ideas:

1. We can represent a relationship in the form of a bank account.

2. Each time we do something good/bad to a person, we make a deposit/withdrawal to our bank account with him/her.

3. The amount of deposit/withdrawal depends on how the person views the action, eg. to a wife who just started to learn cooking, her husband's praise for her efforts would be a huge deposit; to a sensitive mother, her son's suggestion to sponsor her for a slimming course would be a disastrous withdrawal! One way of maximising deposits is speaking the correct love language of the person - find out more from my blog entry on Magical Love Languages.

4. A good relationship is one with a large bank account while a bad relationship is one with an overdrawn bank account.

So if you find that your relationship with your family members is not as close as before and it's increasingly difficult to communicate with them, perhaps your EBA with them needs topping up...

Simple Marriage Tips

The most romantic and momentous event in any couple's journey of love is the moment when the immortal words of the marriage vow are uttered:

"I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love and honour you all the days of my life."

But given today's rising divorce rates and complicated marital woes, is there still hope for an eternal love story?

I strongly believe hope abounds - I can't give a powerful testimony yet since I've been married for just 7 years... but I'm confident that if the following simple tips are observed, a marriage would have a good chance of immortality:

1. Go on a date at least once a week (no kids allowed please!) - this would keep romance ablaze.

2. Learn how to "Agree to Disagree" - marriage is about love and commitment, and not about having the same opinions on everything.

3. Maintain physical intimacy - continue to express your love through holding hands, hugging and kissing (yes, even in front of your kids and kins!)

4. Maintain emotional intimacy - continue to share your deepest thoughts, hopes, fears, joys and sorrows.

5. Eat together - never underestimate the extraordinary effects of an ordinary meal shared together!

6. Pray together - nothing binds a couple stronger than religion, which I strongly believe is the key to a lasting marriage!

"The family that prays together, stays together."
Fr. Patrick Peyton (1909-1992) The Rosary Priest

Quality vs Quantity of Time

It's a common fallacy in our modern society that it suffices to spend quality time with our families while spending a vast quantity of time on our jobs.

The fact is that a small amount of "quality" time simply cannot replace a huge "quantity" of time when it comes to maintaining relationships; spending 10 minutes of "quality" time with your kids while you are burying yourself in work for the rest of the 7,000 minutes of your waking moments of the week isn't gonna bond you with them.

Quality time isn't quality time if there's insufficient quantity of it!

What then is sufficient? There is no easy answer but if you find it increasingly difficult to communicate with your family members, perhaps it's time to make more time for them...

Truth, Lie & Tact

Once upon a time, there were 3 princes named Truth, Lie & Tact, who were all potential heirs to the Kingdom of Wisdom.

To determine who would be the crown prince, Queen Sensitive decided to test them with a difficult question: "My dear sons, am I fat and ugly?"

Truth: Yes, my queen, I am afraid so.

Lie: No, my queen! On the contrary, you're the slimmest and most beautiful woman I've ever met!

Tact: My queen, it doesn't matter - what matters more is what is in your heart; with a heart full of love and compassion for your subjects, your beauty is beyond measure.

Abortion Alternatives

I was very sad when I learnt that a good friend of mine just had an abortion. It was a most difficult decision for her but she just couldn't find an alternative solution...

Most of us would know the pro-life and pro-choice arguments on abortion, but little on practical abortion alternatives such as adoption. Personally, I feel that many abortions can be avoided with the right support delivered at the right time...

Here're some excellent links that I believe would help a mother who's contemplating abortion make a more informed decision:
- Comparision of Abortion and Adoption
- Contacts of financial/social support
- Abortion Facts
- Pregnancy Crisis Service

"The greatest destroyer of peace is abortion because if a mother can kill her own child, what is left for me to kill you and you to kill me? There is nothing between."

Blessed Mother Teresa (1910-1997) Missionary

Do your homework... Parents!

If you find it difficult to get your primary school or teenage child do his homework, it's time you do some homework yourself:)

If your child is a boy, I am sure you must have heard him talk about card trading games like Pokemon, Duel Masters, and online games like MapleStory, Counter-Strike and DotA. He would also probably be bugging you to buy a PSP, DS, Xbox 360, Wii or PS3.

If you are absolutely clueless about the above cool/happening stuff in your child's life, it's time you find out more - and you can do so easily via Google or Wikipedia - so no excuses please!

"But what's that gotta do with my child's homework?" You must be wondering aloud... My reply: EVERYTHING!

If you can't understand your child's favourite stuff, you can't connect with him; and if you can't connect with him, you can't effectively teach him "boring" stuff like homework! You may use the best revolutionary teaching methods in the world and I bet you can't get much anything into his head...

I can speak the language of my nephew when it comes to his games and I am even good enough to beat him in the Pokemon card game - and when I teach, he listens and his grades improve... and I had fun too playing his games;-)

Ooops, gotta go now - I need to build a powerful Duel Masters deck to battle my other nephews in a week's time after our tuition session! And parents, don't forget your homework!

Of Kites & Teenagers

I've been coaching my nephews and nieces for many years and I realised that the teenage years are the most difficult periods - both for me and them.

I've weathered such stormy times and discovered that kite-flying is a simple yet apt analogy for dealing with teenagers.

There're just two key points:

1. Learn to let go: Just as it's physically impossible for a kite to fly higher if one refuses to let go of the string, so it's emotionally impossible too for our teenagers to grow in maturity if we refuse to stop controlling and nagging them.
   
2. Be ready to pull back: Just as it's important to pull back the kite if it's in danger of falling or getting stuck in obstacles, so it's important too to monitor our teenagers for telltale signs of problems and step in at the appropriate time to set things right.

Lifesaving Driving Rules

I must confess that I had been a typical over-confident, traffic-rules-sceptic and child-seat-protesting male driver... until I read a recent article in Reader's Digest entitled "Hidden Dangers in Your Car".

It utterly jolted me and made me realise what an irresponsible driver I was, putting myself and my family in mortal danger with my slack attitude!

I really gotta thank and praise God for blessing us with safe drives so far and I resolved never ever to take safety for granted, and to obey the following lifesaving driving rules:

1. Ensure that everyone puts on seat belts.
2. Ensure that children below 8 are restrained in appropriate child seats.
3. Ensure that there are no loose items in the car, including mobile phones, groceries and CDs.
4. Never ever take alcoholic drinks even in small amounts before driving.
5. Drive within speed limits.

If you're still a sceptic, check out sobering statistics here:
- Seat Belt Use and Child Safety Seats
- Car Accident Statistics
- Drinking Kills